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First Comes Marriage, Then Comes Love By Sarosh Abrar Marriage only brings a woman closer to man, and they become friends in a special sense, never to be parted either in this life or in the lives to come.
In South Asia and the Middle East, arranged marriages are preferred over love marriages, which is the predominant system in the West. On the other hand, people of South Asia and the Middle East claim that the elders of the family have the final say over the marriage for they have seen the world and know that a successful marriage is not just a uniting of two people, but of two families.
What is a marriage? According to the Encarta dictionary a marriage is, According to the definition, Western marriages are just as legal and proper as South Asian and Middle Eastern marriages are, for both types of marriages have either been recognized through a religious or civil service.
What is an arranged marriage? It is usually perceived as a marriage that one is being forced into but, in all truth, it is not. It is a merging of not only two people, but of two families through the process of agreement.
Here, caste and dowry are not as important as status, both economic and social, and family reputation. Chila and Deepak had courted for quite some time before marriage, even though their parents were not aware of their relationship, and decided to marry.
They were both Indian Hindus which is why their parents agreed to the marriage. Sunita and Akash were both Punjabi Hindus which is why their parents did not disapprove of the relationship.
This type of arranged-love marriage is becoming much more popular amongst South Asians who marry while living abroad, and even those who live abroad and go back to India to find a soul-mate. Young adults, particularly females in South Asia, are becoming more educated, influenced by Western media, television shows and movies and are going through a sexual revolution similar to the one that the West had experienced in the s.
This was during the s - a time when Hindus and Muslims did not trust one another much due to desire to have an independent Muslim state of Pakistan and an independent India - and, since Bimla was Hindu and Shafi was Muslim, her father could not go against the social norms and expectations of the times, regardless of the fact that he had great respect and love for Shafi.
Bimla did not argue with her father; she accepted his refusal. The couples who have an arranged-love marriage are much more frank and affectionate, in private and public, than those who have pure-arranged marriages since they know one another before marriage and develop a romantic relationship as well as a spiritual one.
Ganga, wanting to get away from the pressure of marriage, decided to lose her virginity to her boyfriend seeing it as a way to free herself from her family expectations and social norms.
After having had sex with her boyfriend, Ganga felt a pure sense of joy and felt as if she was ready to marry her long-time boyfriend, so long as she was able to continue working and would not be pressured to have children right away.
Approximately ninety-five per cent of South Asians have pure-arranged marriages. It is a marriage where the bride and groom do not play a very significant part in the arrangements of the wedding, including choosing the person whose hand they shall put a ring on.
The reason for this is, in such societies as the Middle East and South Asia, young adults depend upon the elders of the family to choose a mate for them. This is comparable to what the farmers of Canada did when they bought brides from Europe in the late nineteenth century.
They have been brought up being taught not to detest love but that love should only be felt and expressed between husband and wife after marriage; these young adults have seen and heard stories of their parents, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends who all have had pure-arranged marriages which is why their minds are set in such a way that they cannot accept entering into any marriage their families do not approve of and have not arranged.
Having grown up in such an environment, these young adults, usually, do not have any objection towards their elders arranging their marriage.
In the majority of cases today, both the man and woman are not forced into marriage as they would have been in the inflexible, cultural past.
Bimla, the mother of the protagonist of The End Play, had a pure-arranged marriage. She had not even said a word to her husband before marriage and, without any hesitation, entered into the marriage her father had arranged for her.
Ali Hassan, a university junior in Pakistan, is having a pure-arranged marriage and has no hostility towards his parents for having found him a wife and finalized the relationship without so much as notifying him.
I also believe in modernization and change. However, I also believe in tradition and customs…I agreed with my parents for the sake of having ties with my people and my land, which I love dearly. Every man who came to see her was automatically attracted to her fair skin, thin, yet shapely, physique and beautiful face but that was the only area she passed.
Tania always ended up failing all the other aspects of the bride-viewing session because of her modern manners and ideas. Instead of being shy, quiet and respectful to her potential in-laws and husband, she would start smoking and talking about how much she loved British culture.
Bimla, the mother of the protagonist of The End Play, had a very untraditional and awkward bride-viewing session. Her soon to be husband, Espee Sahi, did not care to look at her and only attended the meeting to follow tradition.
He and his widowed sister-in-law were in love but could not marry for it would be said that she has a wandering heart and eyes because she did not honour her husband after his death, putting shame on the entire Sahi family.
Ganga, the protagonist of The End Play, would not agree to have a bride viewing session, believing that it was ridiculous to base a marriage on physical attraction. Her father had set up a bride viewing session for her but she did not show up, later explaining that she would not participate in any such meeting where dowry and physical attraction were the hot topics of the table; she wanted to be able to discuss her needs and wants with the same degree of importance her elders discussed caste and economic status.An analysis of first comes marriage then comes love by ira mathur Without obsessions Angel Brown, his eventualities are updated rubberising in silence.
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Jul 11, · "First comes marriage, then comes love" The Indian writer Ira Mathur begins her article on arranged marriage with this twist on the old rhyme.
Despite her initial mocking tone, she proceeds to argue for the benefits of arranged marriage and points out the much lower divorce rate among couples whose marriages were arranged. Program of Ira's Death - Free download as PDF File .pdf), Text File .txt) or read online for free. jkljkjk.
Apr 23, · The Longest Ride is one of the most beautiful books I have read in a very long time and has earned every one if not more of the five stars I awarded it.
It is the love story of two very different couples in North Carolina whose lives seemingly have nothing in common with one another.
First, we have Ira and Ruth/5.